Oh, Rome

Posted on October 21, 2017

Last week I picked up my renewed permesso di soggiorno, the little rectangle of plastic that is quite possibly one of the most valuable things in my possession given that it allows me to legally stay in Italy. I sat in a sparse, dingy police station waiting room where announcements from 1998 were thumbtacked to peeling blue walls and a crooked, gilded crucifix hung above the door, and then I sat in front of an unsmiling officer in a cramped office while she dug my new permesso out of a shoebox full of envelopes, sliced my old one into a few plasticky shards and had me sign an immense black ledger full of foreign-looking names. Permesso in hand, I headed home.

That the new permesso had taken nearly a year after the renewal appointment to show up as ready to be picked up on the immigration office’s supposedly accurate online system was, apparently, a minor detail; just part of the yearly headache-and-anxiety-inducing bureaucratic process guaranteed to weed out anyone who doesn’t really, really mean it when they say that they want to live in Italy.

I’ve been here for just over five years now. Five years! It seems simultaneously incredible and yet entirely natural – when I arrived in Rome, five years felt like a milestone I’d never hit. Even the one-year mark seemed hazy and far-off; when you throw yourself headfirst into a new culture, getting to the end of each week feels like a milestone. And then, somehow, time sped up and the years started to pile up, with each one that passed leaving me feeling more and more comfortably entrenched in my life here in Rome.

My actual five-year Italy anniversary slipped by completely unnoticed at the beginning of September, while Alessandro and I were in Palermo for a few days. I didn’t love Palermo as much as I thought I would (but that’s another story for another day), so arriving back in Rome a few days later felt particularly good. My city. Not mine in the same way as it belongs to a Roman who’s grown up here, but mine because I chose it. Mine because I continue to choose it, even when it confounds me, exasperates me to the point of tears or does its best to make me feel like an outsider looking in.

I remember, sometime in my first couple of months in Rome, going to one of those excessively awkward expat events intended to get people to meet and mingle. Not knowing anyone there, I wedged myself into a group chosen at random, which happened to be made up of people who had been living in Italy for years already – the kind of people who spoke what sounded like perfectly fluent, accent-less Italian, who knew the city inside and out, and who were extremely vocal about its downsides and shortcomings.

At a certain point, one of them asked me how I was liking Rome, and I launched into a long-winded, glowing monologue. Of course I just loved the city, I loved the people, the language, the cobblestoned streets, the chaos, the pizza, the inefficiency, everything. All of it. And the entire group exchanged a collective knowing look – a sort of subdued eye roll, really – before one of them turned to me and told me, in a rather snarky tone, that I should wait until my rose-coloured glasses came off before making such statements. This seemed unnecessarily harsh. Why couldn’t I love the city I had chosen to live in?

The thing is, though, that the rose-coloured glasses really did have to come off. As it turns out, you can’t actually live in a place for any length of time and maintain that kind of single-faceted, shallow adoration for it – the cracks eventually start creeping in. And creep in they did, during days when I spent hours trying to accomplish a single task and then failing, days when I felt boring and clumsy and irrelevant because I couldn’t even make small talk in Italian, and days when everything in the city felt dirty, broken and utterly outdated. Rome won’t let you mindlessly adore it for too long before it shows you a hint of its dark side; tourist Rome and everyday Rome are two different beasts.

Getting to know the real Rome didn’t make me want to leave though. Some people pack up and move on when they see past the initial sparkle; I dug in my heels and held on. There is something so alive about this city, about the way it magnifies everything into extremes. Conversations in the street are a form of drama, emotions underlined for everyone around to notice. A pretty sunset here isn’t just a pretty sunset; it’s the kind of moment that makes you slow down and just watch the way the sunlight slants over the buildings before fading into a thousand shades of pastel pink. And seeing garbage bags slumped against the side of a historic building isn’t just unsightly, it’s infuriating, a glaring red arrow pointing to the government’s incompetence.

In this city, every day, around every corner, there are moments, scenes, and things that stop me in my tracks and make me say, “oh, Rome”. It sometimes comes out in the kind of tone a deeply disappointed parent might use on a disobedient child, accompanied by a frown or a head shake. But other times it’s more of a contented sigh, a smile, the acknowledgement of a small moment that adds something much larger to my day.

I’ve realized that Rome is many things to many people. Not everyone loves it. Some people hate it. I even hate it, sometimes, on one of those days when it seems like the entire city is against me and trying to get something done feels like rubbing salt in a paper cut. I think that’s a good thing, actually. I’ve long since moved past that unrealistic desire to feel nothing but single-minded adoration for the place I live. I prefer to feel alive.

Five years, and I’m still here. I’m here, and I see myself here for the foreseeable future, because when it comes down to it, I love Rome, and – more importantly – I love the life I’ve built here in Rome, the people around me, and the routines that make up my day. And Rome may be many things, but there is one thing that it is emphatically not: Boring.

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Comments on this post

Helene 21 October 2017 at 2:02 pm

Your photos are so beautiful! It’s definitely a different side of Rome, not as touristy as for example my experience haha!:) It’s lovely to see a more local perspective!

Michelle 21 October 2017 at 2:07 pm

Your photos are gorgeous. I love the real, uncensored way that you describe your city. I have only visited Rome, we stayed for three weeks, but I loved it. Thank you for sharing your experiences.

Harmony, Momma To Go 21 October 2017 at 2:08 pm

I love Rome! I spent 6 months in Rome back in 97 and I have only been back once. Hoping to head back next summer with the kid. Its such a magical and fun place, its really like another world. Esp once you dig in and get to know the people, the inefficiencies etc. 5 years is a long time… lots of cappucinos and pizza!

Lizzie Jones 21 October 2017 at 3:43 pm

I adore the way you write. Rome captured my heart a long long time ago.
I went through so much throughout the period I lived there and my heart was left behind when I left.
I love this sentence:
Getting to know the real Rome didn’t make me want to leave though. Some people pack up and move on when they see past the initial sparkle; I dug in my heels and held on.

I feel like it could have been written straight from my brain!

Liza 21 October 2017 at 4:15 pm

Ah, bella Roma! I spent a year in Florence before moving to London and absolutely loved living in Italy. I hope I get a chance to experience the everyday life in Rome for myself one day. Gorgeous photos!!

Amanda Koh 21 October 2017 at 4:32 pm

The last time I was in Rome was when I was 16 on a family trip. Was pretty disappointed as I didn’t get to spend any more than 2 days in this beautiful city. But I totally know what you mean, the difference between visiting cities and actually living in one. Would love to have that experience some day. Thanks for sharing!

ragazza 21 October 2017 at 4:42 pm

I went to live in Rome when I was 30 for a year (I knew it was only going to be for a year). Definitely can appreciate your post. Living there made me appreciate certain things about the U.S., but if I could figure out a way I could work and make money there, I’d probably return in a heartbeat.

Kareemah Ashiru 21 October 2017 at 4:47 pm

Great post! I had the same experience about Madrid. The first year was all flowers and blossoms and then I started seeing the true color after a year of living there but nevertheless, that didn’t make me hate it all together. Rather the opposite.

Abby 21 October 2017 at 7:01 pm

I love the way you write! Telling the real story instead of the touristy version. It’s the way I felt about aother city that I lived in 5 years ago. And although I’ve been to Rome before, it’s not for long enough. I do have to come back and experience more of the real Rome.

Christie Sultemeier 21 October 2017 at 7:25 pm

Your photos are so beautiful!! I didn’t get to see enough of Rome… this is making me want to go back!

Tihana 22 October 2017 at 10:32 am

The most beautiful city in the world! I’m actually so envious because I would move there in a heartbeat no matter how many times I’ve been told living in Rome is so much different than visiting it as a tourist. I love the Italian culture, especially food :)

Akvile Stan 22 October 2017 at 10:59 am

So true, when you live in a place for a longer while, you get to see both and good and bad, black and white, but that’s great! I’ve been living in Uk for 5 years and I got to see what’s great and what’s bad about it. That’s when you truly start to feel like you integrates well! Rome is stunning looking so that’s a plus right away.

Mom and Dad 22 October 2017 at 12:55 pm

Congratulations on your 5 years. We miss you. Canada misses you. Rome was lucky the day you moved there- sweeping in on a breath of fresh air and lighting up the city with your passion and zest for life. Living is about finding the beauty and joy in everyday life and blooming where you are planted. Not only have you continued to bloom, but you have truly thrived and put down roots. We love you forever and for always ❤️

Jordan 22 October 2017 at 2:30 pm

Well these photos are absolutely gorgeous! I will definitely need to consult your blog for my next trip to Rome :)

Lindsey Nicole 23 October 2017 at 10:24 am

Beautifully written. I am in my 6th month of living in the Tuscan Countryside and I can relate to so much of what you have here in this article. I am sure the sparkle of where I live will wear away eventually. I am still in that bedazzled moment. But the days when it feels like the city is working against you, when every task is so time-consuming and frustrating, it can take a toll. I do, however, also find myself looking at the sunset or the turning of the leaves differently. Appreciating everything more. It just feels good. Thanks for the good read.

Myk Deans 12 February 2018 at 1:17 am

I don’t know what I admire most: your writing or photos of everyday Rome. Both are vivid, casual, and make me want to come visit Rome one day. Do keep sharing your adventures, which I have followed for many years.

Marie 28 April 2018 at 7:26 am

Gorgeous photos and authentic and moving reflections. I have great admiration for anyone who can pack up and move to a city where they don’t speak the language or understand the cultural nuances. My parents migrated from Italy to Australia separately in their early 20’s over 60 years ago and I remain in awe of their courage. I love being a tourist in places around the world but live anywhere else…… nah! My husband and I are about to return to Rome child free for the first time and I cant wait to soak in all the sights, smells and experiences this glorious city has to offer. Thanks so much for reinforcing my enthusiasm you are truly gifted.

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